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You will either hate or love this book,
By reading other reviews you most likely have an opinion right now if this book is for you or not. Is it old-fashioned? Sexist? Stupid? Playing Games? Honestly, that’s your call. There were several points I liked in this book, I think it has some valid content.
Profiles, the authors state that men basically look at the pretty pictures of the women, and glance at their profiles. Is this true? Men are visual. So pick a nice smiling photo. Don’t write too much. I like this, not because it creates mystery, because your leaving out emotional baggage. Your selling yourself, not the fact your ex cheated on you with your neighbor, wouldn’t commit, or he was mean.
I liked the after 4 emails, and he didn’t give you his phone number, or ask for yours move on. Really, your on a dating website to date. If you are looking for chat buddies, go to a chat room. The author also asks you to wait 24 hours before you respond. There is a lot of pressure to respond right away, do you need to wait a full 24 hours?
There are a lot of tips like this that I think help weed out the real potential canidates. Online dating isn’t for the faint-hearted. It is work finding the right person. I like that this book sets boundaries initially. I haven’t read their other book, but I felt this book does a good job of helping you to sort through people. If you liked ‘He’s just not that into you’, you will like this book as well.
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|Very Helpful!,
I read the original “Rules” book before it became popular, and I was one of the people who the authors polled when they were working on “The Rules for Online Dating.” This book is wonderful if (like me) you are a very sensitive person who is eager to find Mr. Right. I’ve had my heart broken quite a few times over online dating experiences, and I must admit, each time it happened, I broke the “Rules” that are in this book. It’s easy to get carried away with the fantasy of online correspondence, and this “Rules” book will save you a lot of time and heartache.
I was surprised to read so many user-reviews about this book that were written by men. If you are a man, and you are trying to figure women out by reading “The Rules for Online Dating,” I have some advice for you…
If you really like a girl, and think you would be a good match, dont give up. Be persisent and try to meet her. Don’t worry about whether she is “playing games.” Why not? Here’s why:
(1) A lady who seems to be “doing THE RULES on you” may have never even heard of this book! There were times when I was not “into” the RULES, and didn’t care whether I followed them or not. Then, to my surprise, I noticed that I practiced them by accident, simply because real life got in the way. For instance, I didn’t email men back for a few days because I was too busy to check my email. (This can be infuriating if you are the kind of person who checks his email every day, but face it, not everybody does!) I recently met a guy from internet dating who informed me over dinner that he was glad he “tried again.” I had no idea what he was talking about. It turns out, he had emailed me before, but I deleted his emails without even looking at them. This had nothing to do with the “Rules” book and everything to do with the job I took to make some extra money for Christmas presents.
(2) If a girl really IS making a conscious effort to follow this book, does it matter? She’s just trying to take the relationship slowly. She just wants to be sure you are a nice guy whom she can trust. Would you really advise your sister, daughter, or divorced/widowed mother to email strange men from the internet, share personal information and intimate thoughts with these strange men (in writing!), and go running/flying off to meet and sleep with these men at a moment’s notice? Give us girls a break. Most of us don’t have Papa standing on the porch with a shotgun when we meet new men, so we have to do SOMETHING to protect ourselves from creeps and “players.”
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|You have to learn the rules before you can break them,
As I’ve learned in graphic design and cooking, you have to learn the rules of the trade before you can break them with confidence (and success). That said, this book provides a great outline of how to find success in online dating, assuming success is defined as achieving a long-term romantic relationship.
For the men who refute the validity of these rules:
You like a woman who is honest. Rules girls are always truthful; how is saying we’re busy when asked for a date on short notice manipulative? Rules girls are always busy because our lives are full, we’re not sitting by the phone waiting to be called for a date.
You like women who return phone calls and e-mails. Rules girls return phone calls and e-mails at the earliest opportunity–we’re busy but well worth the wait–our weekends are always full of fun activities with family and friends, not checking e-mail. If you interpret a longer-that-24-hour delay as disinterest, you don’t have enough initiative to interest us anyway. You also like women who initiate phone calls themselves–perhaps when we know you better, we will, wouldn’t that be a treat?
You like women who answer the questions you ask instead of ignoring them. Anything more personal than, “Just got back from walking the dog…do you like dogs?” deserves to be ignored. The brevity of a Rules girl’s response has nothing to do with our level of education. If you don’t understand a “Hi, sorry for not responding sooner, I’ve been so swamped!” means we’re thinking of you despite our busy schedules, then you’re not our type anyway.
You like women who take initiative. We’re ambitious women who take initiative in all other aspects of our lives–we would like to be in a long-term romantic relationship with a man who is self-confident enough to take the initiative.
You like women to ask you out…well, I prefer to be asked out. If you’re my type of man, you will run the risk of rejection, because you are self-confident and interested in me. If you’re *that* interested in me, you will likely win that first date!
If you aren’t dazzled by me within four e-mails, that’s about a week of completely impersonal communication and you’re just not that interested. I need to move on to brighter prospects.
Equality in a relationship is not based on who pays for a date–who really thinks that anyway? If you ask a Rules girl out, she is your guest and you pay (and, lest we forget, you plan). When I ask you out, I will pay (by that time, though, you’ll have married me, so it may not matter).
The techniques this book recommends would quickly cause you to look elsewhere. That works for us, you’re not Rules girl material! If YOU want a relationship with a Rules girl, you’ll make it happen. If you don’t, you won’t–the Rules girl won’t waste her (or your) precious time trying to force what isn’t there. Not all people fit with each other, and this book helps women with particular expectations understand why they’re not being met by the men they date.
All of that said, I discovered I have been practicing the Rules nearly my entire dating life. It has been when I’ve broken my own personal “rules” that I’ve experienced heart-wrenching break-ups, because the relationships should never have been in the first place. Cheers to all the Rules girls, past, present and future!
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