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The Splendid Quest (1935) …Seven dating rules that will help you find your soul mate — Look for real chemistry (November 7, 2011 / 10 Cheshvan 5772) …
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When you focus on the other person, you are less troubled by times in life when perhaps you are not given 100% love all the time.
You are not completely dependent on it so you can more easily overcome challenges together. In this way feelings, unpredictable as they can be, can go through ups and downs without the threat of the relationship falling apart.
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……item 1)…. aish.com … www.aish.com … Looking for Love …
Seven dating rules that will help you find your soul mate.
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img code photo….Looking for Love
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November 7, 2011 / 10 Cheshvan 5772
by Rochel Pritsker
www.aish.com/d/w/Looking_for_Love.html
“I just want someone to love me.”
This is the mindset that many have when dating— they’re looking to be loved. Will he make me feel special? Will she give me what I want?
But this focus is the reason why so many singles end up frustrated and often alone. “Looking to be loved” is not the same as looking for the right person; in fact, it’s the complete opposite.
When you are looking to be loved, your primary focus is on yourself; what the other person needs to do to make you feel good, happy and whole. However, Judaism teaches us to extend beyond ourselves. A truly successful marriage involves two individuals whose focus is not on themselves, but rather on the other person.
When you focus on the other person, you are less troubled by times in life when perhaps you are not given 100% love all the time. You are not completely dependent on it so you can more easily overcome challenges together. In this way feelings, unpredictable as they can be, can go through ups and downs without the threat of the relationship falling apart.
Where do your needs come into the picture when looking for the right one?
When you can answer the following three questions:
……..1..What do I have to offer to a potential mate?
……..2..What is my mission in life?
……..3..What do I value in life?
When you know what you have to offer to another human being, your needs become finding someone who is willing to receive what you can easily provide.
Secondly, when you know what drives you — what you have to give to life (your mission) — your needs become finding someone with a complementary life mission so that your future involves the both of you living together and facing the same direction, instead of growing apart.
Thirdly, your values will greatly determine where you will focus much of your time and attention, your outlook on life and what is important to you.
When you can answer the above three questions, your needs become simply to find the person who most closely complements your life’s mission and values and who is openly willing to receive what you have to give.
Contrast this with simply looking to be loved, which has more to do with emotions instead of a secure union that is likely to build a true partnership.
The following seven dating rules will help you find your soul mate and give you the greatest chance to create a truly successful marriage.
……..1..Switch from thinking of yourself as “single” and instead think of yourself as “ready to get married.” This doesn’t mean heading off to shop for a bridal dress or tux. This means you are dating with a purpose and not with a “whatever I feel like doing” attitude. You are not blowing your time and money on self indulgent activities, or having close friendships with the opposite sex — after all, you are not single. You are ready to get married! And when you are ready to get married you send out a message to the world that you are looking for your soul mate.
……..2..Hold off on dating when you are going through life challenges that are draining you emotionally — including breaking off from a recent relationship that you are still emotional about. If you are unable to put aside you past emotional baggage, then you should not be dating. Dating for the purpose of marriage is sacred and deserving of the greatest respect and dignity. This is the person who you will share your life with — who deserves to meet you when you are fully available and capable of giving of yourself, without interferences.
………3..Look for real chemistry. The kind of chemistry that truly counts is not only based on physical attraction. It is based on the complementary interaction between the man and the woman; their ease in communication, their ability to draw out the good in each other, to understand one another. Two compatible personalities have the greatest chance for chemistry that lasts.
……..4..Be aware of your weaknesses and limitations while continually striving to better your character. Humble yourself and reduce your ego. We only have the capability of changing ourselves. The more you dedicate yourself to improving your character, the more you have to offer to not only your soul mate, but to the world at large.
……..5..Our sages teach us that before birth, our soul is split into two and our quest in life becomes to find our other half. For this to happen, we must focus on finding the soul of the individual. Instead of separating a person’s physical side from his inner qualities, view the individual as a whole. Allow his soul to move you gradually by getting to know him. Observe his actions and get a true sense of who he really is. What is his mission? What does he value? What moves him? What drives him?
……..6..When it seems that you will never meet your pre destined soul mate, practice trusting what God brings your way. Remind yourself that in trusting what you cannot control, you can let go of the unknown…the “how?” and the “when?” And focus simply on the here and now.
……..7..Many pray that they should meet their other half. Why not also pray for your other half? That God should keep him safe from harm…that he is happy and living life with purpose. After all, just because you haven’t found him yet doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist or that he couldn’t benefit from your prayers. And you can benefit in knowing that even though you haven’t met your soul mate yet…you can do the one thing that true love depends on — you can make the choice to give.
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…..item 2)…. Marshall, Edison … Mann Library … Hearth Home Page … Cornell University
hearth.library.cornell.edu/h/hearth/browse/articles/arts-…
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“One must learn to love oneself before one can learn to love others.” Explore #492
Image by Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥M§. яåє♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
In life, we may find it easy to allow ourselves to love and accept multitudes of other people, but when it comes to loving ourselves we’re not as forgiving. In fact, we can be quite relentless in our pursuit of perfection. So, how then do you learn to put aside all the shoulds and should nots we face, and really begin a love affair with yourself?
The first step is to realize that you are somebody. You’re a friend, someone’s daughter or son, possibly a lover, an employee or employer, or maybe even someone’s spouse. No matter how your role changes, you’re still somebody. Nothing will ever change that.
The next step is to take time out to actually love yourself. In romantic relationships it is often said that true love is shown through actions, not words. Learn to apply this to yourself with the following ideas, and you’ll be on the road to a lifetime romance, with yourself!
Dear Me…
Write a love letter to yourself. In the letter describe what you really like about you, and what you’d like to improve about yourself. Keep it in a special place you can refer to when needed.
Scheduling Time
Make appointments with yourself to do artistic or spiritually uplifting activities. For example, you might enjoy going on a picnic at the park, taking a tour through an art museum, or taking a walk in a secluded area.
The Finer Things In Life
Enjoy the finer things in life! Eat on your "good" dishes. Enjoy a candlelit meal. Listen to a favorite CD over champagne. Wear your favorite clothes. Treat yourself to unexpected present.
Enlighten Yourself
Try learning an enlightening hobby such as yoga or meditation.
Freedom Of Yourself
Give yourself freedom to make mistakes. Instead of questioning why you are doing, or may have done, something, just accept that you did it. Know inside that you’ll handle it when you’re ready to, and that it is okay to do just that.
Forgiveness
Forgive yourself for something in your past. Write a letter of apology that includes everything you might have done. Seal it in an envelope, and keep it somewhere private.
Day-By-Day
Live life day-by-day. Try not to worry about what will, or will not happen in the future. Or, what may, or may not have happened in your past. All things are created in the present. Remember, your future and your past are created by what you are doing right now this very moment.
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