Q&A: How does a Muslim man get to know a girl before marriage?
Question by : How does a Muslim man get to know a girl before marriage?
If a Muslim man loves a girl of his dreams, how does he get to know her before marriage if being alone with her(or as western societies call it, “dating”) is forbidden in the holy Quran of Islam, and if he doesn’t want an arranged marriage?
Another question, why do people in western societies have sex before marriage?
Best answer:
Answer by sr_engr
Arranged marriage is an interesting paradigm. It should not be dismissed without thought – there are some good advantages.
When you marry a person you don’t just marry them you marry their family. Often the wrong compatibilities there can alienate and disenfranchise the extended family. If you read “Outliers” by Gladwell you will see that one of the biggest indicators for success is the “team” – the family. This is true for success at many levels of society. The participation of the family in the selection process can help maximize compatibility and improve the long-term lifespan of the marriage, and maximize the opportunities for the couple and their children to be successful in life.
When you marry a person you are often thinking that things later will be at least as good as they are now. Your brain is suffused with hormones, wishes and dreams, and you are biologically wired to not think well. If you look at peaks in the divorce rates they happen when the marriage is 1 year old, 2 years old, and 5 years old. These often correspond to birth or raising of children – when the hormones and lack of logic have done their biological duty of creating offspring, and the brains turn back on. If you want a relationship that can outlive the production of the first offspring then your brain needs to be already on, or someone’s brain needs to be on. The arranged marriage helps this – you don’t get to know her enough for the hormones to go crazy, and you have a team of people who really do love you, who really do want great and wonderful things for you, and who can be realistic about who you are as a person.
I have known a couple of couples whose marriages were arranged. They say that the marriage for love is like having a cup of hot coffee that cools over time. It tastes good early on, but after a while the couples want a new, warmed cup. They say that arranged marriage starts out cool, but warms up over time, and keeps warming up for the length of the relationship. The pleasure from the relationship, depth, quality, etcetera … they just keep getting better. Instead of being founded on an emotional and hormonal high that dissipates they say it is based on hard work of building habits and disciplined approaches to engaging with each other that, over time, are a much more reliable framework than the dissipating “high”.
EDIT:
Not all couples do. It is (unfortunately) culturally normative to do so, and anyone without faith in God or strong religious believes does what Television or Hollywood represent as “good” even if it is not good. Those who are religious (I am) are much less likely to do things like this that are a violation of the conduct required by God.
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