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A Guy’s Opinion: Tough love from a real world “Expert” that happens to be accurate,
I read Steve Santagati’s Manual driven by the same curiosity that compels men to page through copies of Cosmo at a girlfriend’s house. We don’t subscribe to those magazines, so somehow they immediately create intrigue. So in part it was voyeurism, and in part I wanted to explore what lessons were being taught to women by one of our own. I read through a few of the reviews here where Santagi was demonized as a pig, and I guess I’m here to say that whether or not that happens to be true, what the ladies should be curious about is whether or not his comments are accurate or reflective of most men. While I will admit that his delivery is a bit crude, guys can be too sometimes, so overdoing it is probably a better tact than sugarcoating things. I’ll gladly confirm that for better or for worse, much of what he says is pretty accurate for most guys (we’re sorry we’re superficial, but we’re just made that way … and in my experience, even brilliant women like to be loved for their looks too). All Steve is saying is that it won’t make you any less of a success to take advantage of this fact and accentuate it — which isn’t very different from a guy realizing that there’s nothing wrong with his masculinity.
After serving as a shoulder to cry on more than once for my mystified and confused female friends, I’ve wanted at times to write a book much like this, though mine would probably have been more scientific, and perhaps even less PC. If you are curious about the scientific underpinning of the fundamental truths Steve seems to have learned in the real world, read Nancy Etcoff’s “Survival of the Prettiest” or Geoffrey Miller’s “The Mating Mind.” Men and women are profoundly DIFFERENT on a neurological level. There’s no moral judgment about it, and the more that we can learn to accept and embrace these differences, the happier we’ll become. Any trait taken to extremes becomes unappealing, and most everything that irritates women about men (and vice-versa) is something that in moderation is often very attractive.
There’s a big trend now, typified by VH1’s “The Pick Up Artist” and Neil Strauss’s “The Game” for men to explore the psychology of the female mind and leverage that into success in the dating world. When taken too far, this can be manipulative and disgusting, but in moderation, it does actually help some guys get over their issues or hurdles into being more comfortable in their skins. For me the moment when I realized just how different male and female minds were, I was in High School. I remember when I was first told by a brilliant beautiful girl I crushed on that she wanted confidence more than anything else in a man, and I remember thinking, “Huh? Not kindness, attractiveness, intelligence, or talent?” “You want confidence even if he boldly charges in wrongheaded directions?” “Yep. I don’t know quite why it is, but it’s still hot,” was the reply, although she couldn’t explain what made her feel that way any better than I can with my fascination with ponytails.
So our predilections are no more difficult for you to understand than yours are to us. Here’s an illustrative story of the parallels between male and female thinking from the other side: Recently I was at a trendy downtown Manhattan restaurant, when Mystery, the host of “The Pickup Artist” walked in, all gangly six-foot six inches of his goth-looking overdone self, and I pointed him out to my tablemates. After an explanation of who he was to the girls at our table, and grudging admissions that we’d seen his show or read Mr. Strauss’s book from all the guys, one of the girls (a highly educated, intelligent and stunning catch herself) proclaimed that she was certain that “confidence couldn’t be taught.” Well, she sure was wrong. The guy who brought her there on a date (also a handsome and successful match himself) had recently transformed himself from insecure to comfortable around women in part through Strauss’s teachings. And the whole world of women never would have learned or experienced what a great guy he was unless someone had taught him a thing or two about female evolutionary psychology. Santagati’s just trying to do the same thing for women that Strauss did for men. All sorts of girls with amazing personalities reject the notion of playing up their beauty on moral grounds. Sadly, the results of this are that lots of guys never meet truly amazing women who hide behind baggy clothes or overdone fashion.
Santiago tries to teach a few very accurate lessons: (1) Guys can’t be analyzed through the lens of the female psyche. Our minds are too different for it to be intuitive. Instead you should educate yourself on what men say men want, because we may be many things, but we do usually say what we want. (2) Yes we are superficial, but we LOVE women and we want to see you as your best selves so we can smother you with affection. (3) Taking advantage of your looks isn’t unethical or anti-feminist, a guy…
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|Fun, spirited, truthful and comical…,
A fun read and eye-opener to many. The author is the typical “tough guy on the outside, kitten on the inside.” Steve’s advice is candid, but may not be true for every male out there. He is honest in detailing the mind of a “Bad Boy.” The men I dated fit his frame – mostly athletes, fast cars, motorcycles, handsome, fit, charming, confident and usually successful. The men I chased humored me at best and used me at worst. Steve’s advice works, if you want to date someone like Steve. It’s fun for a while, but once you catch on to them, you may be amused but also a bit bored and ask the question “Where is this going?” He’s right when he says “we don’t know” because typically, these types aren’t looking to settle down. They are the hedonists of the lot, and will take up your time. Have fun with these guys, but don’t plan to marry them or have expectations. Also, on his advice to “have sex on your terms” – typically if they have been raised Catholic, prepare to be judged if you sleep with these guys too soon (take it from a Protestant). These guys love women and love to love, but are utterly conflicted and frightened. You deserve better. Methinks Steve may be ready to wave the white flag – hence this book. But who knows? Enjoy!!
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|Hard-Hitting But True,
Wow, this is a difficult book to read, not in the intellectual sense but in actually grasping the concept that some men really don’t understand or refuse to accept that women are people with real lives and real feelings. It’s written by a guy who says he loves women – he loves them for his own needs not theirs! He’s the kind of guy that thinks he’s done a woman a favour or given her a wonderful experience by having a fling with her — because ‘hes’ so great. The egotism – and complete lack of awareness of actually how women think – in this book is astounding. But, in saying all that. This book is a very interesting insight into the minds of so called ‘Bad Boys’ AKA selfish self-obsesses users who love themselves more than life itself! It is funny to see how attractive ‘Bad Boy’ qualities can be, and it is intersting to see how these males think about themselves and women in general. If you want insight, read the book, but don’t be surprised if you’re shocked and a fair bit disgusted by some of what you read. Hopefully… there is still hope for the human race!
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