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How to have a joyful life full of purpose,
The minute anyone realizes good intentions just don’t cut it, that it’s only actions that make me “me,” life is immediately more fulfilling, more challenging, more fun. The difference between a person who becomes who they want to become, and a person who doesn’t, can be found in their willingness to take real steps every day. Want to be someone who speaks another language? Get a book and teach yourself. Want to be the kind of person who is appreciated and valued at work? Review your work ethic and your interactions and make positive changes. Want to be healthier? Actually exercise every day instead of just planning to do so. The world can tell who you are by how you act, and if you don’t like what it’s seeing you’re the only one who can fix it. In addition, realizing that the people around you aren’t who they say they are, but who they act like they are, is a lesson I wish I’d been exposed to and had been able to comprehend in highschool.
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|A book both poignant and wise,
Gordon Livingston, a psychiatrist by way of West Point and Johns Hopkins, presents us with interesting combinations of truth telling. He gets immediate “street cred” due to his Bronze Star for valor in Viet Nam, and this after averring that he went to war to “find out if I was brave.” Additionally, he plumbed the depths of his emotions after losing two sons, thirteen months apart, one to lukemia (at 6) and the other to suicide via his son’s manic-depression.
Livingston’s advice as promulgated in the subtitle, “30 true things you need to know now”, is delivered with the softly directed assurance of a loving parent, one who has counseled and re-parented hundreds of adults. IMO, he’s too the point and for the most part accurate. I’ll spell out my disagreements in a moment, but In the meantime I’ll describe each chapter in a layman’s terms,… mine.
Chap 1 says that “if the map doesn’t agree with the terrain, the map is wrong” – We all strive to keep our worldview’s consistent even when they’re contradicted by an inconvenient reality (which begs the value of education?) If people blinker themselves when they should be listening, they’ve closed their minds to critical analysis and aren’t looking at all the facets of the problem in order to arrive at the best solution (witness what passes for today’s political discourse?)
Chap 2 – “We are what we do” – Here he distills patterns of behavior which IMO are the best way to predict someone’s future behavior, man or woman. He discusses self deception (the result of the “blinkering process”) and the fear of risking feelings in personal relationships (one could call this a fear of intimacy, no?) If crisis in life is seeing yourself differently at any age, then fear of confronting your rejections is nothing so much as the fear of agonizing self re-appraisals. Ipso, we engage in denial to avoid having to face reality on even ground.
Chap 3 – “It’s difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place” – He explains why arguing over political or religious dogma is fruitless as the blinders are surely on if the foundation of the facts underpinning the assumptions are fallacious (it’s a testament to his own ability at mind compartmentalization when he argues (later in this book) in favor of the global warming thesis, of the anti-war thesis, of not spanking unruly children, and for “social justice” (all concepts favored by left-wing conventional wisdom, but not by the silent majority.) He gets into the difficulty people have in changing their own ingrained worldviews which speaks to the illogical nature so evident in their contradictory habits and patterns (not only found in the SUV driving enviro, but in all of us.) In that we’re all living in a “google-it” world, our self denial of possible factual refutation displays our possible willful ignorance as outlined in this book.
Chap 4 – He talks about “a figurative statute of limitations on our childhood traumas” – the ones that so many use to explain away their bad behavior. He speaks of change being “the essence of life” and in that regard invokes the process of re-parenting. The latter he must often engage in with his patients in order to gain the optimal outcomes of his behavioral therapy.
Chap – 5 “Any relationship (r/shp) is controlled by the one who loves least” – this is a mouthful. He talks about most of his patients having power struggles as a cause of their marital dissension, and of romance being a form of shared delusion. He posits the canard that “it takes two to start an r/shp, but only one to end it.” Heavy!!! but doesn’t it have that ring of truth?
Chap 6 – that “feelings follow behavior” – Here he asserts that while you can’t control what you feel or think, you can alter your behavior to gain better control over your life (I might add that it helps to be internally truthful before you can begin this difficult journey.)
Chap 7 – “Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid” – He discusses his Vietnam experiences and his turn to the anti-war mentality (I’d suggest he read “Vietnam: the necessary war” by Lind, for background, and also David Horowitz’s fine piece on “why we’re in Iraq.)” I would have preferred that the author discuss what starts wars and why we engage in them, the why, the when, and the where, and the how????
Chap 8 – “The perfect is the enemy of the good” – He discusses the need to learn critical thinking skills and delves into what all economists (but, seemingly few others) know as a critical component of good reasoning: …that there are few solutions to life’s problems, only trade-offs.
Chap 9 – “Knowing when to ask `why’ and conversely `why not” – He comments on the unexamined life being not worth living, particularly with regard to ones risks of emotional trauma (the only thing that changes behavior) and in ones wagers of the heart…
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|Wish I Had Read This Younger,
I am not, in general, a fan of advice books, but Dr. Livingston is the “real deal.” Having survived the suicide of his own son, he has great credibility in advising the rest of us about how to deal with disappointments and tragedy. But he also provides sage words about how to get on with living joyfully. If you’ve gone through some rough times–and who hasn’t?–read this book for inspiration.
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|Friendship pendant,
My friend of of 47 years thought the pendant was exquisite, but only because I typed out and included the saying on a card.
The pendant’s font is way too small and impossible to read. She loves it because she knows what it says. The pendant needs to be made larger so that one can read the words without a jewelers magnifying glass, which, of course, none of us own.
So make the pendant a little larger so the gift’s sentiment can be read easily.
Thank you for inquiring.
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|Good quality, but too print too small to read,
The quality of the necklace was good. But the sentiment, which was my reason for purchasing it, was far to small to be read without glasses. Guess I thought the pendant was a bit larger.
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|Necklace,
Be aware that the inscription on the necklace is so small you can’t read it. I love the sentiment, I just wish one could actually see it.
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